First, you are thinking, what’s Nonverbal Leadership?

In April 2007, I had an epiphany that changed my work, changed my life!

By nature, I was shy and cerebral. I stuttered and bored people. Today, I joke that when the kids in the neighborhood played doctor, they made me the anesthesiologist.  I couldn’t look people in the eye while speaking. Small-talk terrified me. No deodorant was strong enough to safely help me through a networking event or a job interview.

Don’t get me wrong, I was functional.  I traveling around the world, as a consultant and executive, helping companies make millions.  I studied psychology, influence, and leadership most of my life in hopes of improving my social anxiety, but really my success was more with systems and processes than with people.

WOW, my life is different.  Today, everyone thinks I’m a “people genius”.

Did you know there are over 20 schools of thought in psychology and therapy and over 20 schools of leadership?  How can they all be valid and different at the same time?  I’ve wondered about those incongruencies my whole career.

Well, I’ve got it.  Within three weeks of my breakthrough, a total stranger contacted me and insisted on being my client. Within 6 months, several people stopped me and asked, “Are you someone important?” Since my epiphany, I have at least tripled my personal power, and clients keep tracking me down.  What a relief: no more tight throats, self-consciousness, or excessive trips to the dry cleaners.

I made two shifts. The easier one to explain is that I started consciously controlling my nonverbal signals.  That’s Nonverbal Leadership (NVL)… taking responsibility for what you “say” nonverbally (and reaping the benefits).

We humans process nonverbal signals on a separate channel, in different parts of the brain, than verbal communications.  In face-to-face situations, nonverbal signals win.  Turn down the sound. I can still tell whether you will negotiate a raise, close the sale, go on a date, exchange business cards, raise capital, or land the job.

#1 NVL is Subliminal

Yes, that means sneaky.  The conscious mind, where words are processed, tends to resist influence.  Better to bypass it.  Nonverbal signals are processed unconsciously, in the brain areas close to feelings, intentions, patterns, and memories.  If you really want to move people and touch their hearts, stop over-thinking the words, and focus on the delivery.  Influence without resistance or awareness is a good thing.  Nonverbal Leadership is as subtle and imperceptible as breathing.  Some people might even pay to learn how to do that, don’t you think?

#2 NVL is Universal

Works on Everyone

All group animals including fish and crocodiles, mate, parent, cooperate, hunt and defend together.  Humans have been doing the same for millions of years, without words.  Nonverbal signals are woven into the fabric of life, from crying babies to the quiet sadness of death.  We are born social and nonverbal geniuses, because it’s in our genes.

Works for Anyone

If you learned something as unnatural as riding a bike, swimming, or driving a car, then you can easily learn to have more control over your everyday body movements and vocal tones, right?

Works in any Situation

Nonverbal signals permeate every human interaction, whether we are aware of them or not.

• Job interviews
• Salary negotiations
• Team dynamics
• Leadership/Followership
• Customer Service
• Sales
• Marketing (especially branding)
• Competition and Conflict
• Making friends
• Dating and marriage
• Parenting

In face-to-face interactions, nonverbal communication is 60% to 70% of the message.  How can anyone expect to be an effective communicator without Nonverbal Leadership?

#3 NVL is Powerful

Nonverbal signals alter feelings and intentions, the deep drivers of human behaviors.  While words are processed slowly and sequentially, nonverbal signals enter the brain at broadband speed, simultaneously through multiple senses.  Words are one-way communications.  Nonverbal signals are simultaneous exchanges.  For example, head nodding by the listener, triples the talk time of the speaker. Remember, you cannot not-communicate nonverbally, and everyone has far more subliminal power than they realize.  Imagine being able to tap into and develop your NV power?

#4 NVL is Magical

Remember a time when you and a stranger just clicked?  Or a business negation went perfectly?  You spent quite time with a friend, child or partner without speaking, yet you were totally connected?  Ever nail a job interview?   Have a blast working a room?  Move an audience to tears?  When was the last time you had a deep, authentic conversation?  These moments are magical.  When you master your nonverbal leadership, you experience nonverbal magic daily.

On the other hand, when communications are strained and difficult, your body undergoes stress.  Many people hate networking, being with strangers, pubic speaking, presenting at meeting, bar scenes, dating, parenting, dealing with conflict, and selling. True?   Children with ineffective nonverbal signals are shunted and bullied.  Shyness hurts inside in a very physical way.   Many people struggle to connect with others and secretly live quiet, lonely lives.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  I call the shift in being and those special moments, Nonverbal Magic. Life is too short to settle for a stunted professional and personal existence, isn’t it?

You can influence others subliminally to make a better life for yourself and others.

Why are many Body Language Experts Clueless?

Their approach is, “read a person like a book.”  That’s passive, static, disconnected.  Relationships and nonverbal communications are two-way, simultaneous, and dynamic.  Interacting humans form a system.  Each interaction is a process, similar to a dance, with music and steps, leading and following, to a conclusion.  The process of negotiating is a different from leading, networking, selling, and flirting.   Selling to a CEO is different from selling at Best Buy.  Nonverbal Leadership doesn’t see people as books to read, but rather choreographs the music and dance of relationships to create magic.

Group and subgroup dynamics, with shifting alliances, add to the complexity of communications, however, even these processes can be led and outcomes improved by using Nonverbal Leadership.  Knowing that a head tilt means that someone is listening is useful, but it won’t change your life.

You Want a more Connected and Successful Life, don’t you?

People define success in many ways: career, money, friendship, mating, parenting, and making a difference in the world. The way people treat you depends on the powerful (or weak) signals that you send and receive.  Imagine what happens when you send subliminal signals that say “Don’t pay attention to me; I am unimportant.”  Or “I’m not approachable or likable.”  Think these signals might block someone’s success?

Who do I Serve?

I help  job seekers, thought leaders, salespeople, female executives, experts, entrepreneurs, consultants…anyone who doesn’t feel heard, who needs to influence without power, or who isn’t getting the respect or rewards they deserve. My intention is to enable you to do great things.

Benefits

If you aren’t as successful as you deserve, most likely, the main problem is that you are misreading and misfiring your nonverbal signals.  When you use Nonverbal Leadership well, you feel more confident, interesting, attractive, respected, comfortable in your own skin, and in control of relationships and your life.  Life flows.  Here’s the cool part:  others change the way they treat you, because you change your signals, and they have no idea what’s different. It’s universal, predictable, and subliminal.

Here’s everyone’s big challenge: You are unaware of the nonverbal signals that you send.  So, how can you fix them by yourself?  Don’t you need a mirror: an honest, knowledgeable, professional whose feedback enables you to see yourself as others do?  Don’t you need a mentor to teach you how to turn on the right signals, at the right moment, to subtlety control how others treat you, and create Nonverbal Magic?

Many people make a breakthrough within hours of working together.

As a skilled trainer and coach, you won’t just develop new skills; you also acquire the feelings, intentions, and beliefs you need for a better life, for the rest of your days.

• Here’s a valuable bonus: You get to keep the video recordings and materials.
• One more bonus:  If you aren’t happy, I refund your money.  There is no other way to do business, is there?

All training is customized to match your most pressing need.

“You gave me wings to soar! I will recommend you until I’m blue in the face! You equipped me with some tools that were missing from my tool box–thank you!”     — Tyler Cox

Are you ready?

No matter who you are, there’s greatness in you.  Don’t you deserve a life where you and others benefit from your Nonverbal Leadership?

Click  to start making a difference…

Up until a few days ago, I didn’t have a single answer for this question. Everyone’s life and circumstances is unique.  How could there be one, big, common mistake, right?

Now I have an answer.

The big mistake job seekers make is…

Not consciously choosing and guiding their careers.

Only when people are unemployed or miserable in their jobs do they give their career choices any thought, and usually these thoughts are regrets.

Islanders

For example: some people are too comfortable in their current situation. Ten to twenty years of stability has a big downside. When their industry shrinks, everyone they know are in the same situation. They lack connections with other companies and industries. They don’t belong to any associations. They have no resources or ideas to support a smooth transition to a new job or profession. They find themselves on an island, with the waters rising and no boats or bridges to safety.

Feathers

Others just drift from job to job, without a plan. Now they are in their 40s, unemployed, and looking for anything. People can survive by taking “anything “when jobs are plentiful, but with high unemployment and plenty of competition, people with a foundation of education and ever growing skills are much more competitive. Also, “anything” in a down economy tends to drift toward minimum wage, so these people are in their 40s and can’t make a living wage. If a person drifts into their 50s, they also face age discrimination. The shame is that often these people are smart and talented, but they have lived their life like a feather in the wind.

Billiard Balls

Some people let others choose for them: a counselor, a parent, spouse or a friend. Perhaps it’s safer to not make the decision yourself. If it doesn’t work out, you can always say it wasn’t your idea. A variation on this is doing what you “should do”. I suppose that some people just don’t trust their own judgment. They haven’t given themselves permission to choose their own life. These people are like billiard balls, always looking for a cue ball to give them a push.

All of these approaches work, sort of. You live a life, but is it the life you were meant to live?
The truth is that once we realize we have the power and the obligation to ourselves to shape our own lives, we can’t help but move toward having a life filled with more happiness and self-satisfaction. It doesn’t matter where you have been. It matters where you are going.

Pick a direction that’s you!

Start walking, keep walking, and enjoy the journey.

Good luck, my friends.

I’m heading up the coaching on this amazing, once in a lifetime experience.  More details, soon.

I find that harsh.  Here is my reply.

“Principles” and the real world.

Sometimes people forget. Economics and business are not the same. Running a country is not the same as running a business. If you tried to manage a country like a business, you would send us back to 1932. FYI, cutting spending and letting the biggest banks in the world fail is a very bad idea.

Both economics and business have something in common, there’s a textbook answer, and there’s the real world. People worry about hyperinflation and are right in the textbook sense, but then there’s the reality of 2009.

Inflation

Japan’s economy is deflationary. Europe’s inflation is almost zero. In a very odd way, spending above revenue is a good thing for two reasons.

1. It’s overcoming deflationary pressures. (deflation means your debt payments, relatively speaking, increase over time and people suspend buying waiting for prices to go even lower.)

2. By gently inflating our currency, we will pay back the Chinese with cheaper dollars. How ironic. The Chinese thought they had us by the groin, and now they realize we can slip out of the trap with very little pain, and they end up loosing money in the process. How sweet is that?

Hyperinflation in the US? Sorry all you doomsday talk-show hosts, won’t happen. The US Treasury and the Fed have great power in the USA and control of monetary supply.

Deficits

Some of you are worried about the national debt. Yes, me too. However, it’s not $10 trillion. It is currently $24 trillion. The $10 trillion figure is an accounting trick: hard to believe that the largest organization in the world uses the cash-based accounting system, instead of accruals.

It’s silly talking about 10 years from now, the real problem is 15 to 20 years out. What’s the deficit when the accruals kick in?

What isn’t great politics, but is honest management, is that this administration is actually counting war costs instead of hiding them, and looking at the real, but hidden, extra $14 trillion, which is mostly medical, and having the guts to shine the light on our denial.

The real question is, can we reform our health care system?

If you love this country, now is the time to pull together. (The Health care problem is a lot scarier than terrorists, Mr. Cheney.)

BTW, this administration (and the Bush admin) saved the banks from collapse and will remove the toxic assets. That’s great work. This is the first time in world history that a major depression was avoided by a government’s quick action. Naturally, because of our momentary pain (recession and anger over greed), we cannot appreciate the historic significance, but people, we just did something spectacular!

Let’s be thankful.

And lets all agree to stop lying to ourselves about the real deficit, stop all the hyperbole, work together, and fix health care.

BTW, I don’t care which party is in office, but I do care how they treat me. I like being treated as an adult. I like to hear the tough problems being talked about openly, and I am hopeful that the ideologues will be steam rolled by compromise and common sense.

There are “principles” and there’s the real world.

Twitter has some addicted. Google it, and you will see. However, that was never me.

I just stopped my home phone. I just stopped my cable TV, too. Why cut the landline cord? Forty two bucks a month is why. Why did I disconnect the cable TV? Seventy two smackers a month is why. Even when life is good, challenging “the man” is a good thing. I just cut the cost of doing nothing, and $1,368/year isn’t nothing.

Why no tweets? Twitter is free, right? …OR is it?

• Twitter is an interruption machine.
• Twitter shows that status trumps other social needs.

Lev Grossman just wrote a piece called, “Desperately Trying to Quit Twitter”, in Time Magazine. http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1883367,00.html He reflects on both interruptions and the need to feel important. Lev, you are so right.

Interruptions are Bad

(bad for your brain, bad for your relationships, bad for your way of life.)

As Woody Allen said, “my brain is my second favorite organ.” Love your brain, people. Every time you shift focus, your brain needs to unload and reload working storage. This causes two problems. One, it wastes time doing mental processing that actually accomplishes nothing. Life is too short to be spent shuffling stuff in short-term memory. Two, interruptions screw up learning. Creating new connections and growing new neurons are chemical processes, and when they don’t write those proteins, you don’t remember much. You don’t remember what you were doing two minutes ago, and tomorrow you won’t remember what you were reading or learning. Interruptions are a memory incinerator.

Twitter is now a Status trip

Yep, I study status and how it drives human behavior. Status is in our genes (and the genes of many social species, even fish.) Twitter might have started out as a simple way to stay connected with close friends, but quickly it yielded to the power of status.

As Lev pointed out, he felt important by being connected to a more famous author. Lev also wondered whether she feels that she has to tweet to be important. Deep questions, they are.

How to keep Status Score

• Do you know what Twitter is? (If not, you are a total loser, shutout, game over.)
• How many people follow you?
• What’s your ratio of followers to following (the bigger the ratio the better)
• Do you exclude desperate followers who have no followers?
• Have famous people let you follow them?
• Do famous people follow you?
• Have famous people responded to your tweets? (Look who sent me a private message!)
• Do you have cool or exclusive information that you share to your followers?
• Do you know something special because of a fresh tweet?
• Are you Twittering right this moment? (Because the more recent your tweet, the cooler you are.)

Our genes want us to feel important. Connecting ourselves to important people raises our status.  The more followers we have the higher our status.  Status (high and low status) is contagious. Twitter is a status trip, a status measuring stick.

Ugh, marketing ruins everything.

The radical 60s died, not with an epic clash, but when a counter-cultural song turned into a jingle to sell Pepsi. Tweets that drive site traffic and sell, suck. Business sucks the soul out of every movement. Twitter is now a marketing tool, so the coolness is gone, fools.

The high status tale would be to tell you, I stopped tweeting because it’s no longer cool. Not true. I stopped because I went to China for a month and had little tweet time or technology. I got out of the habit. I didn’t miss it, and without the interruptions, I enjoyed more of my experiences, relationships, and business.

After that, I realized how much “free” Twitter was costing me, and I decided to cash in and reconnect for real, to life.

I stopped in December of 2008. I’m Twitter-free and proud of it!

To read an excellent review/summary, go to the Rocky Radar.

Enjoy.

DaVinci InstituteNight of the Futurist:  Michael Cushman

March 2, 2009

No one has ever questioned the power of simulation: a fabulous training tool affordable only to the elite: pilots, military engineers, and Olympic athletes. Until now, simulation has been prohibitively expensive as industry pioneers struggle to recoup development and operational costs. But we are on the verge of a new era as a confluence of technical trends are poised to wash away barriers to mass adoption.

In the past, simulators made “simulated realities” drawn by artists. With next generation simulation, the real world is sucked into a digital format using input devices like laser scans and precision photography. High resolution images, precise spatial relationships, accurate attributes and behaviors will all combine to radical transform tomorrow’s experience.

Just as Google maps cover the earth, the earth will be digitally scanned to create a parallel digital world. Not just the outside world, but the inside of the local Starbucks, the Louvre and The Playboy Mansion – all will become our 3D playground. Need a 1962 red corvette? Drag it into your shopping cart and plop it into your digital driveway. Not only will it be an exact replica, but you will be buying its performance and behavior too.

Real-time bio, neurological, emotional input and communications are coming. So when you smile, your simulated self smiles too. When you feel angry, so does your simulated self. There’s almost no difference between actual and digital experience. Not only will this change how richly we communicate with one another, but also how we learn about learning. What is the ideal state for cognitive learning? What learning strategy works best for a learner’s personality? What is the best way to teach after a learner shifts to doubt or confusion? What is more important, the emotional intensity or the number of repetitions over time?

Gaming and simulation technologies will merge. Learning will soon become a fun experience that turns learning into a sport, and the ease of practice translates into a far more durable form of understanding. Reality and digital reality will blend to form better real-time decisions and experiences. Digital training will click on whenever you need a refresher or an instant lesson (at Home Depot).

Join us as we push far beyond the limits of today’s learning technologies to build the fertile minds of the future.

EVENT: Night with a Futurist
LOCATION: MADCAP Theater, 10679 Westminster Blvd, Westminster CO 80020
DATE: March2, 2009 – Monday
TIME: 6:30-9:00 pm
WEBSITE: www.nightwithafuturist.com

Nonverbal Leadership in Business – Michael Cushman
Tuesday, Mar 17

The American Society of Women Accountants was formed in 1938 to increase opportunities for women in all fields of accounting and finance. ASWA’s mission is to enable women in all accounting and related fields to achieve their full personal, professional, and economic potential and to contribute to the future development of their profession. ASWA provides its members educational and networking opportunities at both the local and national levels.

Over 4000 members and 100 chapters strong, ASWA spreads its influence nationwide.

Location: Denver Athletic Club
1325 Glenarm Street, Denver, CO 80204

Time: 5:30 – 6:30PM Check in and Networking
6:30 – 7:30PM Dinner
7:30 – 8:30PM Program

www.aswadenver.org

RESERVATIONS ARE REQUIRED.

Michael Cushman
Thursday, April 23, 2009

The Colorado Association of School Business Officials (Colorado ASBO) was originally founded in 1953 and was known as RMASBO (Rocky Mountain Association of School Business Officials), a regional organization which included Colorado, Utah, and Wyoming. In 1991 Colorado ASBO was formed as a State organization and is an affiliate of the Association of School Business Officials International (ASBO International).

Spring Conference
April 22nd – April 24th, 2009
Crowne Plaza Hotel
I-25 & Circle Drive
Colorado Springs, Colorado
http://www.coloradoasbo.org/

Taking a google tour of people’s thoughts on this subject I found a few theories:

• Some people believed that it showed that McCain thought he was Lower Status than Obama. Apparently a “monkey researcher” made this claim, and it has gotten around the internet.
• Another said it was a sign of Anger. Angry people don’t look at the person they are angry with.
• Others are saying Fear, because he’s blinked so much.
• Chris Mathews of MSNBC wondered if it’s Contempt? Guilt? Embarrassment?

OK, there’s some truth in this pile.  I’ll do my best to tease it out.

BTW as a general rule, not looking at a speaker is interpreted as rude.  Not looking at someone when you are speaking is considered weak.  So, no eye contact over 90 minutes is going to catch people’s attention.

Monkey Status

I disagree completely with the monkey comment. John McCain was not showing low status.  All lower status members of a group watch higher status members (high status members ignore lower status members unless challenged). This is well documented. However, low status members do not stare, they dart their eyes to see what the HS is doing. They don’t stare because it would lead to conflict (a challenge). LS have to watch HS because the HS determines their acceptance in the group and what resources LS get.

John McCain did not dart his eyes; he didn’t look at all.  This is an indication that McCain sees himself as superior to Obama, not inferior. “Monkey expert” has it backward.

Anger

Overall, everyone agrees McCain kept his anger in check.  There were no clenched fists, excessive clutching of the lectern, finger pointing, swearing, or staring down his opponent.  However, there were a few hints of anger.  Watch when Obama speaks sharply about McCain, John flashes a toothy smile.  It’s not a smile of joy, it’s pure aggression presented as a smile.  However, he usually took notes and the teeth went away quickly.  (Turning on cognition turns off emotional functions.)

Fear

Lots of blinking might mean fear, but not here.  First, John McCain is normally a blinking machine.  Second, people showing fear don’t blink rapidly for 90 minutes.  Third, fear is hard to hide with the voice.  John’s was in control and normal pitch. John wasn’t calm, but he wasn’t afraid.

Contempt, Guilt, Embarrassment

Chris Mathews is a smart guy. He knows it wasn’t guilt or embarrassment.  Those are just thrown out there to seem open minded in the pursuit of understanding the behavior.

Contempt, that has legs.  Clearly McCain thinks Obama is naive, a defeatist, and foolish.  John really hates it when someone without military experience questions his judgment.  That famous video where he calls a female colleague a f*cking b#tch, is the same deal.  He thinks of himself as THE expert and someone who has never served a day in his or her life has some nerve even asking him a question or suggesting he’s mistaken.

Contempt is a strong word.  I might say that McCain doesn’t respect Obama, especially when it comes to the military and dealing with dictators.

No Eye Contact as a Control Mechanism

Because McCain disrespects Obama, I believe he doesn’t look at Obama intentionally.  John is famous for his temper.  I believe engaging in eye contact, while in conflict, automatically sets him off.  I am sure that he is well aware of this trigger.  As an example, think of two aggressive dogs. If you block their view of each other, the aggression gets blocked too.  So if McCain chooses to never look at Obama, he never risks loosing control.  (Is that a strategy or a tactic? )

Summary:

Yes, McCain thinks he is deserving of more respect than Obama. It’s partly a status thing.  Perhaps McCain even has contempt for Obama.  No doubt McCain’s debate style was aggressive.

Also, McCain controlled his anger.  I think he deliberately chose not to look into Obama’s eyes as a way to keep his feelings under control.  He did a good job, for McCain.

Why Obama Scored Better

Overall, Obama’s nonverbal signals were superior, particularly with independents.

Pundits and political parties frame debates as contests, particularly as boxing matches: “land a punch”, “take a punch”, “no knockout blow”, etc. The post debate pontificators claimed McCain won (because he scored more punches).

However, independent voters don’t have any bets riding (no ego either) on the process or the outcome. Independents are not likely counting blows…in fact, they might have a different perspective…more like a beauty contest for men, but it’s not based on looks, but on whom do they respect the most, who raises the country’s status by being it’s leader.

In general, humans respect men and admire beauty in women. (If a woman runs for office, she has the same challenge, to be the most respected candidate.)  Overall, Obama appeared knowledgeable and poised under fire. Further, he showed enough strength to not be seen as a wimp.

McCain stood his ground, but did it with agression. That looked and sounded great to partisan Republicans. On the other side, Democrats probably wish Obama was more forceful.

However, independents are the key to winning the election. With them, Obama won the nonverbal debate because he stood his ground and did it confidently, calmly, and without malice.

BTW, McCain’s storytelling is an advantage.  Storytelling is a meaning making device that communicates well with the unconscous mind.  All of John’s stories were effective except the last one.  Finishing with “After I returned from prison camp…” seemed out of context and a cheap ploy to play the “prisoner of war” card.

Obama should tell more stories.

McCain’s Challenge Going Forward

John tends to be self-conscious on stage (spins his ring, doesn’t know what to do with his hands, jerky facial expressions and body movements…).  In the next debate, everyone will be watching his eye contact.  This is only going to make him more self-conscious.

If he doesn’t look at Obama again, people will fixate on this behavior and start interpreting it as a character flaw.  If he looks at Obama too much, he will likely look overly hostile and angry, because underneath, there does appear to be some strong negative feelings.  Eye contact will be an accelerant.

If I were coaching John, I would have him look Barrack in the eyes and say things that he admires about Obama.  Then John turns to the camera, to the American people, and talks about why the times call for John McCain.  “Obama is a young man, and his time as president will come. But this isn’t his time.  We need….”

I can’t wait for the Biden / Palin debate.  This is a great election year, isn’t it?
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Michael Cushman, The Engaging Guru, helping people master Nonverbal Leadership so they can enrolling others, get the goodies of life, and change the world.  www.engagingchange.com